Going to drive myself crazy!

Seriously, I could end up going utterly insane over the next few weeks :( The flashbacks to the last miscarriage are more and more frequent, I can't sleep because I wake up constantly with anxiety attacks and I'm constantly weepy and emotional because i am terrfied that something is going to go wrong. Being pregnant after a loss is the hardest thing ever! I envy people who just spontaneously announce on Facebook that they're pregnant when the pee's hardly had time to dry on the stick!! How simple it must be to see two lines and automatically assume that means you'll have a baby in your arms in eight months. I can't think like that. All I can do is pray and hope and drive myself bananas with worry until I have seen that heartbeat flickering away on the screen! I hate feeling like this. The closer it gets to when it happened the last time, the more anxious I get. Stupidly I went and hired a doppler to use at home. When I was pregnant with Belle after my first loss it was a life saver, kept me sane and rational and happy as hell. However patience is not a virtue I have ever possessed...so of course I tried it immediately when I was 9 weeks 4 days...and rather predictably was unable to find the heartbeat. So now I am even more paranoid that something has gone wrong. Even though I know it's too early to really hear it and finding it is hard anyway for people who aren't skilled at using them...still, I am worried sick.