So my midwife appointment was yesterday and lasted a full 3 minutes...maybe 4! It was pretty frustrating since I have waited 4 weeks for this appointment and have been desperate to get across my concerns and fears about this pregnancy going the same way as the last.
I feel like they just fob me off and dismiss me, telling me that there is no increased risk, that if I have symptoms and no bleeding and no pain then all is probably fine. Piffle! None of that means anything and half of it isn't true. Last year I had nothing to indicate that anything was wrong, my stomach still grew and swelled and for all intents and purposes I LOOKED pregnant, if my symptoms diminished I wasn't aware of it and there was no bleeding until I was 12 weeks pregnant....6 or more weeks AFTER my baby had died. So how do I know the same thing hasn't happened again? How do I know that I am not walking around with a dead foetus inside me just waiting to be discovered by a scan? why can't they see that an earlier scan could have spared me weeks of thinking I may be pregnant, that I may hold a baby in my arms at the end of this pregnancy, if actually it's all gone horribly wrong?Or, on the flip side, that it could spare me the tears and heartache that I have been going through for the past few weeks, constantly worrying that I'm going to be right back where I was last summer....when I lost the entire summer to depression, drink and prozac!
I see the mw again on Thursday, this time the appt should last 45 mins but I have almost give up on trying to express the urgency with which I need to have a scan...need to see that the heart is beating and the baby is growing and that I am not going to turn into a complete wreck again dependent on anti depressants to even consider facing the day.
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